My almost 5 year old was in the middle of another crying/screaming fest and I was fighting back my own tears. I thought this was supposed to get easier with the second child? I thought that by this age, these meltdowns were supposed to stop? Why is it that he just won’t listen to simple requests? Why does brushing his teeth and putting on PJ’s become an epic negotiation, every single night? Why is a simple request to please just go to sleep seem like I’m asking him to jump off a cliff? There’s no way everyone else has this much trouble with their kids. I just can’t handle this anymore. I’m a crappy parent, let’s just admit it and say it as it is.
I’ve had this inner dialogue going for several months….ok, maybe several years. It started with my first (who now, at the age of 7, is SO much easier), and has continued with my second. But this time, it’s different. My health is suffering from it. My cortisol levels (the stress hormone) are through the roof, and it’s causing major imbalances in the rest of my body. I’m finally feeling the effects of the constant need to have things go the “way they are supposed to go.”
Functional Medicine has taught me the biochemical effects that the stress is having on my body, and I’m seeing the proof in the pudding. My thyroid hormone isn’t functioning well, my metabolism has slowed waaay down, and I’m exhausted, constantly. No matter how much I exercise or what I eat (or don’t eat), the weight keeps creeping on and won’t come off. It’s not that my body is broken or malfunctioning. It’s that it has moved into protection mode. With the constant flow of high stress hormones, my body thinks that I am fighting for my life, instead of just trying to get my son to bed. So it has moved into fight-or-flight, live-or-die, slow-everything-down and pack on the pounds in case I’m running for my life and starvation mode. I’m taking supplements to try to help - things like calming adaptogens, and a host of vitamins. But it’s been a few months and I’m seeing that those just aren’t enough.
So what do I need to do for things to change? What is the biggest thing standing in my way? It’s Me. I have to learn to LET SHIT GO. I have to have a change of mindset. What does that mean? Well, for starters, it means I have to care a lot less if he goes to bed at 9 instead of at 8. I have to care a lot less if he chooses to play legos instead of brushing his teeth at bedtime (eventually he’ll brush his teeth, but it will likely be when he is ready, and not when I’m barking the 10 millionth command of the day at him). I have to basically learn to relax, go with the flow, and stop trying to control everything (and everyone).
For someone who has controlled everything in her life up to this point, that is a freaking tall order. But seriously, it’s going to be the only way I can stop hurting my health. So how am I going to do it? Well, the first thing is I’m leaning into my meditation practice. I’m sitting down daily, in a quiet place, and learning to TRUST. I’m learning, in that quiet space, that the world works in its own order, and I am not the one who is in charge of controlling it, or figuring it out. I’m learning that energy is REAL, and if I can train myself to connect to a different energy, a higher, lighter, happier energy, then I can feel that throughout my body - at any time of day. It’s kind of like discovering that we, as humans, have this amazing super power. The question is: can we teach ourselves how to use it. I believe we can. Through my meditation, I’m training myself to do just that. It’s called letting go, connecting to a higher energy, and trusting that things will flow as they are meant to.
The beauty of this superpower? Once you are able to connect to the higher energy and keep your mind / body there, the energy flows from you, to those around you. For example, have you ever noticed how if you decide to be happy, and start smiling and laughing, those around you do the same? Something that could have been totally embarrassing, turns into the most hilarious thing ever? That’s an example of connecting to a higher energy, and just letting it go.
My friend from the School of Applied Functional Medicine, Heidi, shared this quote with me from Thich Nhat Hanh:
“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile.”
How beautiful, and simple, and yet Powerful. This simple mantra can completely shift your energy. I tried it this morning, repeating it to myself over the course of several breaths, and I can attest to the fact that it’s simplicity makes it perfect. It’s a very effective meditation to practice our superpower of shifting energy.
I hope you try it out, and if you do, please share with me over on instagram (@payalarorawellness). Till then, I’ll be over here, learning to let that shit go.
Be Well!