As I was sitting in my car this morning contemplating how to get from the driver's seat into my house successfully without spilling my Starbucks all over myself, I realized how much I used to take very simple tasks for granted. Before ending up in my garage, I had successfully managed to park on Main St. and get into the bank to use the ATM without getting run over, but it was close. You see, my left foot is in a cast and currently immobile, which has left me with one good leg and 2 metal crutches as my only means to get around on foot. Navigating getting in and out of the car is challenging, and doing this on Main St. is nearly impossible where the traffic is nonstop and the street parking doesn't give you a lot of room to swing the driver's door open wide and haul crutches. After these last few weeks, I have begun to cultivate a whole new level of appreciation for businesses with drive thru's. That's what led me to Starbucks in the first place this morning...only to leave me stranded in the car in my garage wondering if I should just drink my whole Chai Latte sitting there instead of in the comfort of my kitchen as I had planned.
I have been thinking about what to write to try to summarize my past 3 weeks and come up with the most salient lessons I have learned through this experience, but it's been hard to put pen to paper. Mostly because I'm still figuring it all out and both mentally as well as physically, it's all very exhausting (I'm sure the longer this healing takes, the more things I will learn through it all, right?). The first thing I am trying to wrap my head around is that there are lessons to be learned in this trying period of life. There are always lessons to be learned because after all, I do believe the Universe is a generous place that is on our side. So rather than trying to tie it all up in a neat bow, I'm just going to share what I am learning and feeling through this experience - as a human.
1) Stop taking every little thing for granted. Being physically healthy and capable of everyday tasks is a huge gift in itself.
When going up and down the stairs in your house becomes an obstacle, taking a shower is nearly impossible, and making a cup of coffee is a lesson in how to avoid disaster every morning (how are you supposed to get the milk from the fridge and carry it to your coffee mug at the Keurig and why are the dang coffee mugs so far away from the coffee machine in the first place??), you learn quickly that little things should never again be taken for granted. Every morning when I wake up, I am thankful that I can keep trying, and promise myself once I heal that I will be thankful for an able body every single day for as long as I have it.
2) It's ok to ask for and accept help. It doesn't mean you are a failure. Compassion is what makes the world a better place - compassion for yourself and for others.
I have to ask for help. It's not possible for me to take care of the kids and cook and do everything by myself and so I need to rely on others. It doesn't mean that I am failing at being a mom or a wife or even a human. It just means that I am going through a rough patch and am so forever grateful that I have people I can rely on. My husband has been doing as much as possible when he's home. My parents and my in-laws have been here almost every single day. My babysitter is putting in extra hours when she can. Everyone who can help has been. I am incredibly thankful and I know that when I am capable, I will help others as much as I can too, because that is life. Showing compassion, accepting help gratefully, and understanding that life has its moments when you can't do it all. I'm learning to receive and relax and slow down, in a very real and immediate way.
3) Say thank you rather than starting with "I'm sorry."
Of course it's important to apologize if you've done something wrong. But I'm learning not to apologize all the time just because. Instead, I'm starting with thank you. "Thank you for waiting a few extra minutes for me, I'm a little slow on my feet at the moment." vs. "Sorry I'm so slow!" "Thank you so much for holding the door, I really appreciate it!" vs. "Sorry I can't get the door open by myself." "Thank you for everything you are doing to help us right now. I appreciate you and your time and effort so much." vs. "Sorry I can't do this myself right now."
This shift from apology to gratitude I've realized, makes the other person as well as myself feel better rather than pitied or negative. They are appreciated for their effort, and I can keep a positive mindset rather than letting myself feel down with every action.
4) Children are resilient, and can learn to be self sufficient if they have to be.
My 5 year old has been surprising me in the most wonderful ways lately. She helps every time I tell her Mommy needs a hand, and she doesn't complain when I ask her to please get ready on her own in the morning. She has been fully capable of brushing her teeth and getting dressed on her own for a while, but used to want me to help her regardless. Now that I can't, she is learning to do more things on her own. She has started cleaning up after herself after breakfast, and she can fill her own water bottle and pack her bag with extra clothes and swimming gear by herself. I love that she's learning that she can be more self-sufficient. At the same time, I have moments where it breaks my heart that I can't do more for my 2.5 year old son. Instead of running to the rescue though, he is learning to deal with more of his emotions on his own. He also has to rely more on Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa and our babysitter, and I have to realize that that's ok. He's also learning to do little things by himself (or at least trying to as best as he can)!
I'm sure there are many more lessons to be learned over the next 2 months of healing, but these have certainly been big ones that I have taken in so far. Have you had an experience that's changed the way you have to live your life (even if it's temporary)? I would love to hear about it! Send me an email or let me know in the comments. :)
Staying positive, one swinging step at a time...
Payal