I think all Moms should go through a training on how to be self-compassionate. I feel like this is something we aren't necessarily taught while we are growing up. Sure, we learn how to be compassionate to others - how to be kind, caring, how to share, etc. when we are children, but no one really takes the time to teach us how important it is to be kind to ourselves. I think we all have a natural instinct to stay out of harms way and to protect ourselves, but no one takes the time to teach us the importance of real kindness towards ourselves. It's something that now, as an adult and as a mother, I'm seeing the true importance of.
Everyday is a challenge when you have young children. It's a tough job - trying to teach kindness, while teaching discipline, what's wrong and right, and all the while trying to keep your kids healthy, and allowing them to still be kids. No one tells you how tough that job really is, and there's probably no way to really prepare except to learn by doing. But everyday, something or the other happens where you feel like you are doing a horrible job. Because no one is there to remind you that you are doing your best, and that you are actually doing great -- because you are keeping them alive and they are thriving and growing and learning how to be good little humans. No, instead, you probably get breakfast thrown at you once in a while, lots of yelling and screaming -- and the latest that I have been getting from my 2 year old: "Not Nice Mommy" followed by a good old smack from him with his new choo choo train. Ouch. Really? Is this what Mommy gets for doing her best? That's when the negative self-talk starts: "Why is this so hard for me? Why do I stink as a mother? Why is everyone else so much better at this than me? Why are other kids so much more well behaved than my children?" and so on....
Well, here's the truth. We have to learn to be nice to ourselves. All that negative talk that is running like a freight-train through your brain? It has no benefit whatsoever. And also, most of it is not true. Yes, it's hard sometimes for you - but truth is, it's hard for everyone. Everyone has a tough time because hard times are part of life. The question is -- can you learn to be kind to yourself. Can you learn to give yourself the compassion you need? Can you say to yourself, over and over, "Some days are hard. I'm having a tough time right now. But everyone has hard times, they are part of life. May I be kind to myself. May I give myself the compassion I need."
Lately, this is what I have been trying to teach myself. It's something that I learned through a recent guided meditation and something that has resonated deeply with me. No one is here patting you on the shoulder and telling you that it's ok, that you are doing a good job. Instead, you have to tell yourself these things. Are your children mostly fed and clothed, and mostly clean? Are they mostly happy and growing and thriving? Then yes mama, you are doing ok. In fact, you are doing more than ok - you are doing a great job. Keep it up, and someday, maybe when they are 30something and have kids of their own, they will come to you and say thank you for all that you did for them. Until then, know that you are not alone. All the mamas out there are right here with you, going through the same stuff. And yes, you are doing a great job.
Hugs,
Payal