"You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -- Buddha
As much as I know about the importance of self-care, one thing that has been a roadblock and challenge is "mom-guilt." The premise behind self-care is obvious - we all deserve a little time and it's worth the effort to take care of ourselves. Whether that means giving yourself 15 minutes to shower and get ready in the morning with peace and mindfulness, or getting a massage once a month, or a mani/pedi every once in a while (or all of the above) or committing to a regular exercise routine. What's more, as a health coach, it's imperative to put in some time and effort in self-care for many reasons: I can give more to others when my own needs have been tended to, self-care is an act of healthful living, how you look and show up is what clients first see, and you want to set the best example.
As a mom, the first one resonates most with me -- the idea that in order to be able to give and fulfill the needs of my children and my family from a place of love, I have to make sure my own cup is full and not running on empty first. But, I also have this intense sense of guilt when I take time to take care of myself. The statements running through my head go something like this: "I should be taking care of my kids right now and not have them at day care or school...instead I'm here exercising/taking a shower/soaking in a tub for 10 minutes" and "I should be taking care of my kids 24/7 because all the other 'stay-at-home' or 'going to school' or 'entrepreneur' moms do it, so I should be able to as well, and still look and feel put together. If they can do it, why is it so hard for me?" Then there is a roller-coaster of self-doubt that comes with it: "Am I just not a good mom? Am I just not as cut out for this as all the other moms? What do they do that I can't do? Why does it all seem so hard?"
What I'm learning is that I have to take a step back, and I have to remind myself of the countless conversations I have had with other women who all say the same thing -- it's hard, sometimes we just need a little help from our own mothers/family/friends/babysitters, sometimes we just have to put them in the crib for 15 minutes so we can shower. I have to remind myself that no, I am not less capable as a mother, and that I AM ENOUGH. And I have to remind myself that it's OK to want to go to school and start a business and do my life's work and be committed to other things as well. It's OK to honor a commitment that I have or am making to myself. It's OK to want to take care of myself so that I can give from a place of love. I'm a better mother and a better person for it. In fact, it's not only OK, it's imperative. It's how I will be able to live my truth - the reason I came here to be. I have found my purpose, and I am finally on a path to living each day in order to fulfill on that purpose.
I also have to remind myself that nobody can do it all or have it all, and that a lot of it is just what people say or the face they put on. Which brings me back to my larger goal -- we all need help. We all need time and space and other people with the same things going on or different points of view. We need friends and other mothers who we can talk to about all this. I want to create that space for women. My health coaching practice is that space to find help, and just a little bit of that time, and for you to know that you are enough and you are worth spending some time on.
So I ask you today, what have you done lately to fill your own cup? Is it enough? You are worth spending some time on - so do something today that makes you happy, and you'll be a better person for it.